what a crazy errand running day i have ahead of me.......

well today wen i woke up, i knew i needed to touch up my hair color bc its turning mint and puke green. so i went to sally's and picked up a "blue raven color enhancer". hopefully, it will turn out nice, right now i have it on my head and im processing it with heat :D then i hafto go pick up my money from georgie, then fix my back tire w him, then go get my cell phone fixed. its been messed up since monday and i just havent had the time to go get it looked at. then me n danny are gonna go have dinner and a movie. sinbad better be good! omg gwen bought me a map! wo0o ho0o0o! maybe now wen we get lost, we wont take the scenic route for 85 minutes to get back to philly....:.fRiEnDz.:.sTaRtiNg TiMe: 1:21yOuR nAmE: Vy CuNiCkNaMeS: vee wee hermanbEsT fRiEnD: chrissy, dannylOnGeSt fRiEnD: longest? like, tallest? hahafUnNiEsT fRiEnD: hah all of them mandUmBeSt fRiEnD: no0oneBiTcHeSt fRiEnD: hmm.. i dont have bitchy friendsaThlEtiC fRiEnD: hah i dont knoLoUdEsT fRiEnD: all the kris'sHyEsT fRiEnD: chrissywHo dO u gEt aDviCe fRoM: ahah anyone who will give it.:.oN yOuRsElF.:.hEiGhT: 4' 11 3/4''BiRtHdAy: feb 8 1986SiGn: aquariusLeFtY / RiGhTy: rightyeYeZ: darl and mysterious brownsHoE SiZe: chucks: 3.5; vans: 4.5; school shoes: 5.5; whore boots:6sHoE bRaNd: converse, vans, whore :)hAvE u bRoKeN nE bOdY pArTz?: heh noSiBLiNgz:  Chau (Jo), Quyen (Gwen)eMaiL aDdReSs: funnybunnyvybOyFriEnD / GiRlFriEnD: euw noooooooDo u LiKe aNyOnE & wHo: uhmm no not really, im glad i dont have a crush tho. one's not even here anymorehOw LoNg hAvE u LiKeD tHeM: probly like 2 months but not really anymore :).:.hAvE u eVeR.:.bEeN iN a FiGhT: lotshAd a cRuSh oN a tEaChEr: nahhhlAuGhEd sO hArD u wEt uRsElF: euw noaTe a tUb oF iCe cReAm iN a dAy: not a whole thingaTe a bUcKeT oF cOoKiE dOuGh: mmmmmmmmmmm KiCkEd tHe wAlL n bRoKe eVeRy tOe oF tHaT fOoT: dented the wallbEeN iN LoVe: euw fuck lovewEnT SkiNnY diPpiNg: hah no not yet, i need to learn how to swim firstaSkEd sOmEoNe oUt: nah NEVERRRRRRbEen HiT bY a cAr: i was in one thorAn iNtO a pArKeD cAr: hah probly, yeah i was in a car then too.:.LaDiEs FiLl oUt oN gUyz.:.  bOxErS / bRiEfz: boxer briefs, pink ones AHH HOTLoNg hAiR / sHoRt HaiR: llo0o0o0o0o0o0ongdArK eYeS / LiGhT eYeZ: eyeballs are just eyeballsSiX pAcK / MuScUlAr: both HAHAsPoRtY / oUtDoOrsY: dont mattergOoD gUy / bAd gUy:  both in one yeahLiGhT hAiR / dArk hAiR: doesnt matter at all, i dont even care about red heads, just as long as the face is cutehAt oN / hAt oFf: hot both.:.wHiCh iS bEtTeR.:.cOkE / pEpSi: pepsie hahatAcO bElL / mCdOnAlDz: mickey'scAtS / dOgS: catscOfFeE / tEa: euw nonwsOuR / sWeEt: sweet (i hate that word)cHoCoLaTe MiLk / hOt cHoColAtE:  choc milkvAniLlA / cHoCoLaTe: vanilla ice creamcAkE / cOoKiEs: browniesiCe hOcKeY / rOlLeR hOcKeY: goalie dAy / NiGhT: night! although it can be very scarey sometimesLiGhTs oN / oFf: sex with the lights offoCeAn / pOoL: pool so you kno you wont get eaten by sharkssUmMeR / sPriNg: spring but too much rain blowsWiNtEr / fAlL: fall. winter is too cold.:.yOuR fAvoRiTe.:.fOoD: ceverything basicallycAr: firebird T top trans am, in a yellow/orange yelow colorsToRe: deb, joyce leslie, and FOREVER 21!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!cAnDy: hahah kickerz!ReStUaRaNt:hah too many, great american diner, pepperbee's!sPoRt: softball, archery wo0o0O! rollerbalding!! hahahatHiNg tO dO: metting new people and stayin in skanky scuzzy whorey motels with them..... haha.nUmBeR: 0dRiNk: waterqUoTe: check profileSiNgEr / bAnD(s): favorite local bands.. 3 feet short and hopeless heroes!! haha!! well.. crappy bands i listen to are: midtown, yellowcard, allister, manson, korn, zombie, hot hot heat, junior senior... hahasCeNt: me :)bOoK: hah nonetV sHoW: friends! and sailor moon!!!rAdiO: none really. b101 night moods?pLaCe: my car, n the places it gets us ;) hahah so many adventures babay.:.iN tHe fUtUrE.:.wHo iS GoInG tO bE bY uR SiDe: my FRIENDS the people that really countwHeRe r u GoInG tO LiVe: maybe CA or NYhOw mAny KiDs: 2-3GiRl nAmE: kaoribOy nAmE: maszanouricOlLeGe: west chester! or pittsburg :XwAt r u GoInG tO bE DoInG: studying psychology.:.rAnDoM qUeStiOnS.:.dEfiNe DIE: to not be livingwAt iS uR hUsBaNd / WiFe GoiNg tO LoOk LiKe: uhmm someone with long hair, at least one tattoo and piercing... and will drive a motocycle!wAt r u wEaRiNg rytE nOw: blue cotton panties, and my sleepy nighty dress thingyfAvOriTe mOviE: waynes worldwHeRe weRe u bOrN: CAfAvOriTe hOliDaY: christmasfAvOriTe pLaCeD tO bE KiSsEd: lips, neck, ear? ehh. anywhere on the face.TiMe FiNiShEd: 1:42

ok so the last few days have been so crazy

ok im tired now and i gotta wake up kinda early tomrw to visit danny at work. but sunday was a show i said id go to with kristen. fell asleep with my mouth wide open. monday was work, fell asleep there on the newly installed carpet. tuesday was dollar store fun day and looking at our cool rollerblades at dick's. wednesday was dorney day (today) OMG so much fun. we met some really cool kid from IOWA. haha. were gonna be penpals! haha. he was nice. but yeah the last few days have been ka-razy! and bc of saterday there are some really dumb things me kristen n kristina wanna do now! like have our new friends come down for a midtown concert and they can stay here for a weekend at a MOTEL.. so we can show them philly, the phun philly! or we should go to their town n stay at a motel there hahaha :) n they can show us cool cape cod. heh retarded huh?

hoo0o0o dud that boyna? the SHIM dud that boyna...

wow. no words can describe how fun last night was. ok lets try to go in chronological order. uhmm well yesterday round 5 we FINALLY got on the turnpike to allentown. then when we got to jay's neighborhood (no gettin lost this time), we went to the show. all the bands were good. wow i dont think im "allowed" to write some things in here... haha. omg guess who we saw! the SHIM! the cross dresser dude that was at the bosstones show! omg i was outside checkin my voice mail and i see him coming so i RUN inside and find kristina and kristen and im like "THE SHIM IS HERE!" omg then when i was standin there talking by the men's bathroom the shim comes up to me n was like "i like your hair" and im like "thanks" he said "its very brave to go n be different" i said yeah, and when ppl compliment me i usually compliment them back right. but i couldnt think of ANYTHING to say. i swear i was like "thanks! i like your.. thanks!" i was thinkin i couldda complimented him on his lipstick? or his tank top? omg then hes all "yeah i always wanted to be a woman so i dress like one" i almost asked him does it make him feel better. but then i was all "yeah i used to dress up like a guy" ok wow i def didnt. i only said that bc i had no idea else what to say. oh man n then kristen told me he had a MADD/WICKED boner. i was all "OMG! THE SHIM DUD THAT BOYNA!" hahahahhaa!! well anyway all i know is that i was having SO MUCH fun dancing and skanking around right in front of the bands. but it went a little bad wen everyone started fighting :\ then i ended up flipping out at people and i feel really bad. uhmm.. wow all i hafto say is...WOOOW. kristina and kristen's "boys" last night were 3 Feet Short, a band from massachussetts. and mine were jay and some other kid. well anyway the guys from the band and me n the crew came to a plan. instead of being dangerous and goin w them to their camp ground, we decided to still be dangerous and bring them to philly and all sleep in a motel. well uhh we were running around allentown tryin to find our way out for like fkn 30 minutes. so effin lost right. then we found 309 south towards QUAKERTOWN! then a sign that said "philadelphia 58 miles" then everytime we saw a sign like that we screamed so fuckin loud, turned up the music, and did a dance. yeah i def drove south on 611 for like fuckin hour and a half. bc it was the windy never ending road. then i saw a dear cross the road, that scared the fuck outta me. then we finally see COUNTY LINE ROAD! and we kno it leads back to somerton. but we hadto go east but we didnt kno what to do, go left or right (east or west) so we took a chance and went left. thank God we did find out that was east. bc we saw all the same stores me n mcc passed when we went to happy tymes last weekend. omg we saw YUM YUM, a bakery thing right, were like "YUM YUM!!!!!!" omg n then kristen was actin like a total hyperactive retard the whole way home, i liked that she did it tho bc it kept me awake. total fkn karaoke-flashlight freak last night! she was havin a fuckin party in the passenger seat!!! hahahahaha. n then wen we finally got to the motel, (oh yeah were blastin my night mix cd on the way thru out somerton) were like "did you see us flashin the flash light around dancin with the music so loud?!" n theyr all "yeah it looks like you were havin a fkn rave in there" hahahaha! omg but that wasnt even the CRAZY part. the STUPID part was the way we got the room in the motel. omg their was this crackhead dude that just got done gettin head from a prostitute in the room, but since he was done with the room and there were no vacancies left, we wanted to take it, n we'd only pay him half the amount he paid. so we paid him like 30 for the room. omg but we were so0o0o fuckin scared. kristina was like "dude we dont kno if there could be someone waiting in the closet waiting to fuckin kill us" omg when she said that i nearly shit my pants i was so scared. well after checking the room, we were still all paranoid. bc when you rent a room out, you have two keys. he only gave us one. so that guy couldv came back in the middle of the night and robbed n killed us dude. how fucking stupid are we. the guy was all "dont wry you got 4 guys with you, we take good care of our women" n i was like "i bet you do.." HAHA. not only did we just meet the BAND GUYS and then decide to stay in a motel with them.. then we decide to take a room from a total stranger that we swear is a fuckin crackhead or mass murderer! well we parked across the street at the redisson hotel parkin lot. bc the band was paranoid about their trailor n that they were gonna get robbed. well i parked across the street too. well by this time it was liek 4 am. n ppl wanted to sleep but we just couldnt, omg the guys are so fuckin funny. we were seriously laughing the WHOLE night. omg i seriously got a head-ache from laughing so mach. i def admitted last night that i was sexually frustrated and that when im tired. i act really perverted. and when im hungry n dont have food in my body, i act and/or am really horny. omg i really do stupid things i dont even mean to do when im stressed, sleep deprived, AND hungry- all at once. ahhhhh haha ok enough said.............ok this is what im thinking. the crackhead motel guy gipped us. if he only had a room for ONE person, wouldnt the room be less than 60 bucks? he claimed it to be 60 bucks and we pay half, 30. im thinkin his room was only 30 and we paid him for the whole room. i dont kno thats what i think. i wouldda felt alot safer if i had a knife in my bra.we are so so fuckin stupid, BOYNA!

YoOoOoOo.. bored here

yeah tonight was odd. me n mcc figured out what our new hobby will be. im gonna look so cool in all my get-up-gear. and my sister said its not too great of an idea to go archery shooting. bc with my rage and anger problems.. it wouldnt be too good. but i wouldnt shoot people with it, i swear!! i wouldnt even hunt animals either! i just want to practice for good aim in my back yard when im bored. so anyways my friday was very interesting, i stuffed myself with chinese food. omg too much. i wont hafto eat for a week. no tip :X but anyways, we went to king of prussia mall and tomrw im going to allentown to see a show, should be veryyyy fun =P* then sunday another show with kristen. then monday is work n then me n kristen are going to dick's to pick up "hobby gear" :D hehehehehehehehe. i cant wait! then wednesday is dorney fun! i think we should bring a cooler, guys!

the last few nights have been very mellow and its kinda just wat i needed...

wednesday me n kristen hung out. then met up with tom n kyle. kidnapped chrissy. "snuck" into the movies. then hung over kyle's till like 2. then yesterday i went out on a 4 hour search or a hobby. iv narrowed it down to archery, inline skating, story writing, and playing the xylophone. what do you think i should pick? omg i got my birthday present from naylor and pluta! omg i LOOOVE IT! im gonna put in my tongue ring ya got me!

ya kno what i hate?

when all your problems just seem to be raining down on you all in one storm, ya kno? like when 1. your best friend breaks a promise to you and you dont kno if you want to forgive them or not bc if you dont youll end a very good friendship and youll regret it. but if you DO forgive that friend, you cant really ever trust them the same way again until a very long time. or it just makes you think "wont he just break an even BIGGER promise in the future?" and then youll feel like a putz for forgiving him this time and giving him another chance to break your heart again. or when 2. your parents are fighting and you cant even do anything about it, even tho you have a clue what it could be about, you still can do nothing about it bc youre not supposed to be knowing what theyr talking about anyway. or when 3. someone you used to hook up with just IMs you outta no where just to torture you, calling you a slut and accusing you of being in a skanky orgy. even tho you did nothing to him, and the way you two ended was in such a horrible way and in his own fault. i mean its like, you already horrendeously "dumped" me in the most embarrassing, undignifying, and dishonest way, and NOW you have the balls (something you didnt have before) to fucking instant message me on the fuckin computer and say the corniest lines ever known to man?! im surprised you didn't have one of your buddies do it this time, oh wait you did, you used your friend's sn. too much of a pussy to use your own sn? damn you love having your friends help you out with everything. well with that being said, im done complaining.now to the goods. last night i saw 28 days later with tom. we had fun. and he drove so i was happy :) it gets annoying after a while to drive all the time. anyways.. youre gonna love this! or you wont. heh i can think of a few people who wont.. hehe.

wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

ugh

PEOPLE FUCKING SUCK!marquee>

hey so yesterday was my sister's birthday...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHAU!!!and so yesterday naylor thought the fireworks were at penn's landing. uhh haha. im glad i went anyway. bc my family didn't do anything, so it was nice to be out of the house. and if i didnt go yesterday, i wouldnt have made a new friend! i met this cool kid named kyle smith. what a white boy name. haha. jk =P its cool bc he doesnt know what color his hair is! bc i def dont kno mine either! hehehe. anyways next week ill kno what color my hair will be! heehee... actually, i think today im gonna buy the dye. oh man yesterday my mouth was just not running out of things to say! i felt so bad for everyone around me! i was being soooo annoying yesterday, SORRY GUYS! *bows head and folds arms* xin loui<~~"sorry" in Vietnamese. ahhhh! im so tired but hyper right now..... actually i think ill go to walmart and get something for my nephew :) omg guess what guys. you kno how mccullough says she has these words or phrases she says only in her mind? well i have one too, but i think its time to be said out loud now.hoo ha - it can mean several different things. i cant really describe what the meaning is so ill use it in a few sentences."oh what a bunch of hoo ha""whats all the hoo ha about?"and yes, i HAVE used these phrases in my head for quite some time. its just now i cant keep it in anymore. ok apparently you can tell i only had about 5 hours of sleep last night. bc im rambling on here about the dumbest shit. ok im done. peace out, yo.

ya kno whats really funny?

and im only doing this right now bc i am so incredibly evil and mean >:Dbeing the only sXe person in a group of friends and being able to watch everyone do stupid things that they regret. or just really dumb out-of-the-norm things. im sorry but its too funny. well here's another funny thing. and again, the only reason im doing this is bc i am so evil. when friends break promises to you OR when they ask you to consider giving them a chance of being able to 'start something' and by 'start something' i mean 'become more than just friends' no but the funniest thing is, this ex-friend of mine, lets just give him the code name douchebag ok? well douchebag and i have talked for countless amount of hours about starting something bc we used to like each other wen we were like freshmen. anyway so i told him one of the reasons i wouldnt ever hook up w him is bc i knew if we started something, ill get screwed over in the end or be cheated on. bc he has a habit of cheating on his gf's with people he doesnt even like. do you honestly think i am that stupid where id get involved w someone who would cheat on me?! no0o0o. well douchebag kept trying to convince me "no im not really like that, i wouldnt cheat on a girl if i really cared for her" well it doesnt seem like he cares for anyone. bc last night he goes and hooks up w one of my friends. not like i give a shit who douchebag gets with, but that fact he has a girlfriend now, and this is the THIRD time he cheated on a girlfriend. uhmm.. does a gurl hafto suck your dick to make you care for her? i just cannot believe i even *considered* the very *thought* of the *essence* of me starting something with him. he really doesnt kno how to prove to me that he isnt a player. seriously, asking me to consider going out w him, was just like a slap in the face. its like asking "hey vy, do you wanna be more than just friends, ill probly hook up w other gurls and forget your bday or our anniversery, and then say stupid inappropriate jokes about your family." seriously, thats EXACTLY what i heard. hey maybe you, the reader, will be able to back me up on this:ok so douchebag called me up one night. im seriously on the phone ready to cry bc i have this huge problem. and he asks me whats wrong. so i tell him about it. and hes hangin out w tom at the time. so i can tell hes not even paying attention to what im saying bc after i told him what was wrong, hes all "so? whats the big deal?" and he knows all about what im talking about so he has no excuse to not kno what the fuck im talking about. second, if you call someone but youre with someone else, isnt it rude to ignore the person youre on the phone with and just talk to the person youre in the room with? i KNOW for a FACT it is. third, isnt it improper and rude to make jokes that make fun of someone else' dad's alcohol problem? fourth, HOW many times has douchebag caled me when HE was drunk?! too many times. fifth, douchebag's mom called me ugly like a month ago, do *i* still care?!?! no0o0o0o0o0o!! so why the fuck should douchbag care my dad yelled at him on the phone like 7 bajillion months ago?! GET THE FUCK OVER IT at least my dad had enough balls to say it in english to his face!thats all i have to say and hopefull yyou agree with mei am so done with getting into these petty fights with someone who is so fucking immature and ignorant, my patience has officially fucking ran out.

attack of the *Tinh Yeu* survey! (tinh yeu is Vietnamese for love)

hey. guess what. do i let my guy problems/sexual emotions control my life? i think i do. but im 17 i cant help myself! its probly the worst thing about being young. having to go thru this shit for the first time in your life -_-; guys say girls are confusing. girls say guys are confusing. only bc some people like to talk in "code," and by code i mean, "if i tell her the exact opposite of what i mean, i think she'll get it.."*BASIC INFO* what is your name?: the chatterbox* what is the current date?: july 2nd 2003* what is your sex?: chick: sexy sex and the sex offenders* what is your current relationship status?: hmm.. single and not interested in douchebag pussies* what is your sexual orientation?: straight* what character traits do you look for in a potential interest?: outgoing, understanding, listener (bc i talk so much), open minded, mature, confident enough in their sexuality to make gay jokes or wear pink n purple ;)* what physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?: very tall where it looks so disproportioned when standing next to me :D and unique hair style and/or color* what kind of fashion-sense attracts you?: im into the faggish look, not full blown out homo-fag but a little feminine (fag fettish here!) like wearing something pink like a t-shirt or pink chucks, or tightish pants. not like spandex but fitted where you can check out their ass. tight t-shirts. ahhh sexyy..* what kind of hair style do you find attractive on a potential mate?: anything thats not a biff. i like hair where i can run my fingers through it* what is the usual age range you look at?: at the most 2 years older than me but thats it. and maybe a few months younger than me (well wen im 17 i dont like to date too far)* what traits turn you off?: quietness, closed mindedness, immaturity* do you prefer to date various people, or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?: date various ppl, i never go to the one-on-one relationship thing* are you afraid to ask people out on dates?: i guess, but then again iv never had the URGE to ask someone out on a date*SINGLE LIFE* when you're single, do you wish you were in a relationship?: not in a relationship, but hooking up w someone you like is nice* what are the positive points about being single?: you can pimp it :P* what are the negative points about being single?: no one there to hold you (oh how cheesy does that sound)* when single, do you often find youself longing for companionship?: sometimes. not usually, i like my space* how well do you handle rejection?: if im told in a bad way then i handle it horribly. but if someone is just honest w me, then im ok* do you miss your last sweetie?: ughh i just miss certain things but im doing better now with it. the best way of getting over someone is getting under someone else ;)* do you think it's better to look for love, or let it find you?: you cant LOOK for it. bc then youll fall in love with the first thing that pops in your face*WHEN YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP* when you're in a relationship right now, does it last?: 5 second dan.* what's the longest relationship you've been in?: ^* the shortest?: ^^* what are the positive points about being in a relationship?: 24 hour booty call bitch. hah, and just someone to do certain nice cute things with. like something as simple as going somewhere holding hands, the little things like that are what i love the most* what are the negative points about being in a relationship?: if theyr all up in your space and never let you be w your gf's. this hasnt happened to me, but i see it w other ppl: ppl let their bfs or gfs control them, tell them what to do, and make rules. relationships arent about restricting someone else, if boyfriends and gurlfriends were about authority and dictatorship, it shouldve been renamed to parenthood.* have you ever gone out with someone you didn't know very well?: no i would only go out w someone i knew well* have you ever gone out with someone you had a crush on?: i never had a boyfriend before* have you ever gone out with someone who had a crush on you?: dont people go after ppl they like?* what is an example of an ideal, perfect day with your sweetie?: hmm.. well, just simple fun things. well for me one of them would be spending a day, just the two of us, in an amusement park going on all the rides and eating in one of the freakin over priced restaurants, they exploit you! or something like sky-diving, where at least one of you are scared shitless. o0oh baby the thrill and adrenaline rush!* how important is it to you to know the exact status of your relationships (ie: "dating", "going steady", etc)?: uhmm id give it about 2 monhs before i ask the horrible question "uhmm what are we?..."* do you think couples should spend a very large amount of time together, or space things out a tad?: you cant be up each other's asses. bc then you lose your friends. just like how you dont spend every waking moment of your day with a certain friend, its the same w a 'significant other' haha* have you ever found yourself worried about commitment?: oh yes. duh.* when involved, do you try to think about the here-and-now, or do you often think about the future?: future scares me.* how do you prefer to handle disagreements?: argue it out right then n there, never leave them to the last minute bc then itll start more problems, believe me i know* when in a fight, it is better to euphamize things to soften the hurt, or should one be blunt?: try to be nice as possible without lying or omitting truth. blunt is sometimes good* how do you feel when your mate is mad at you and won't tell you why?: id me pissed. bc how am i supposed to fix what i did to you when you wont tell me what it is!*FEELINGS* do you have a crush right now?: yeah -_-;* do they know?: im not sure if the other one knows* what's the longest period of time you've ever had a crush?: well not counting grade school bc those just dont count. in high school i guess a couple months* have you ever confessed your feelings to a crush?: id say i liked them but i didnt make it all awkward and serious like "oh my goodness you are the wind beneath my wings!"* has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?: heh yeah, so gay..* do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?: heh yea* how do you feel about long-distance relationships?: oh wow, if youre love is that strong but if its something w just measely little crushy feelings then no* if so, does a phone call with them make you feel better of worse?: blargghh* have you ever pined for someone when you're not around them?: hm.. oh look.. its a window...* would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?: no i hate kids, maybe when im older* what would you do if you got pregnant / made her pregnant while in a relationship?: it would never happen, im not stupid. and i could never get someone else pregnant bc my sperm are lazy swimmers :P* would you get involved with someone if they were previously married?: not right now.. im 17* how big of an issue is your mate's morals, to your compatibility?: i got my own set of morals too* how big of an issue is political beliefs, to your compatibility?: fuck politics* how big of an issue is religion to your, compatibility?: dont care at all* how big of an issue to you is your mate's ethnicity?: everyone is the same color to me--green :)* in a potential mate, how important is conversation to you?: omgg i am a chatter box! its the most important thing of all!* in a potential mate, how important is intelligence to you?: i like it, i dont like dumb people* in a potential mate, how important is sense of humor to you?: anyone who can make me laugh is awesome, finding someone who can tolerate my laugh, thats a different thing* in a potential mate, how important is understanding to you?: vital, bc he needs to kno why im a nutball, and understand why i do the stupid things i do* in a potential mate, how important is forgiveness to you?: ppl who hold grudges, oh jeez we dont need another me* what makes your heart flutter, and brings a bit cheesy smile to your face?: kissin them outside while BOTH of our long hair is wippin around in the wind. hehe. sittin on their lap while they got their arms around you, you feel so protected, sure i say i love defending for myself, n no doubt i do! but for once just to have a rest.. not scared of "public affection" stuff, hold my hand, peck kiss me on my lips, jus havin his arms around you when youre out at a show or what ever. its the dumb little things that i love the most!*MAKING OUT* what was your first kiss like?: very porn-like haha (dont ask..)* what parts of a person's body do you find most attractive?: facial bone structure (haha) n hands/forearm area (another thing you shouldnt ask about)* what's the first thing you look at when you look at someone you're attracted to? face n hair* how important is the looks of a mate's face to you?: not vomit level haha* how important is the looks of a mate's body to you?: average bc their personality makes them better. not extremely fat and not extremely skinny. kinda lanky n thin is hot tho (not a skeleton)* when you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it, or the other?: i dont kno.. i guess depends on who likes the other one more* when you are about to kiss someone for the first time, do you generally feel calm, or are you nervous?: a little nervous* can you generally tell when the time is right for a first kiss to happen with your object of interest?: hah usually after kristina says "hey do you wanna get w my friend?!?!" ahaha* what are you're favorite places to be touched?: hmm..my ass, stomach, face, behind my legs, my sides* what are your favorite places to touch?: nipples (HEEHEE) my not so secret fettish. the face. n the ass! im an ass gurl! oh yeah n hands, his hasto be bigger than mine of * what are you're favorite places to be kissed?: lips, neck* what are your favorite places to kiss?: lips, chest ;) (nipples), i enjoy licking someones hands* do you prefer long sensual kisses or shorter pecks?: both man* have you ever kissed someone you longed for?: yea* how did that make you feel?: goo0o0od * have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren't seriously involved with?: dude thats ALL i do...* were you single at the time?: always n forever* what are your ticklish areas?: omg everywhere. but mostly my sides n my neck* what are your turn-offs?: guys feeling me up, but i get over it when i start to like them more* what do you most like about making out?: hehehehehe ;)*SEX* are you a virgin?: yup* if not, would you consider your first time to have been a good one?: ---* how old were you when you lost your virginity?: ---* have you ever had sex with someone you loved?: ----* have you ever turned down an offer for sex?: yeah..* if you are a virgin, how do you feel about sex?: LOVE is automatic for sex* if you are a virgin, what are your reasons to stay that way?: i havent found the right guy yet, OBVIOUSLY.. actually i really honestly believe i couldnt ever give myself to someone until i was completely satisfied with myself. i mean, i can barely stand the sight of myself naked in the mirror, why would i want someone else looking at me when *im* not comepletely comfortable? ill feel too weird n awkwad after..* how much do you think sex changes a relationship?: probly a lot, well it depends if the love was true* has anyone ever walked in on you during love-making?: ----* on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being highest) how would you rate your sexual attractiveness?: uhm..negative poo* on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being highest) how would you rate your - *ahem* - kink factor?: hmm..scarey level. i like lotsa weird n backward things* how do you feel about casual sex?: casual sex w casual partners? gross* at what level of importance does sex factor into your relationships?: no relationships yet hehe* how important is it to talk frankly about sex?: when the time comes i guess?* would you stay with a lover if the love stopped, but the sex was still enjoyable?: no..then the sex wouldnt be meaningful* would you stay with a lover if the sex stopped / got boring, but there was still love?: sure, try new things? like a 3 some hehe*LOVE* do you believe in love?: unfortunately* do you believe in love at first sight?: love of sight at first sight* what would it take for you to love someone?: a lottttttttttt, i can barely LIKE someone for more than 3 hours, a day n consider yourself lucky! haha jk, i dont kno every time i get burned/screwed over, its harder for the next guy to get to me* has someone ever told you they loved you?: not like that * have you ever told someone you loved them and meant it?: friends n sisters* have you ever told someone you loved them and not meant it?: probly* do you believe it's necessary to express your love in words, or is just the atmosphere and feelings enough?: both i guess* do you believe love can end, or do you think it never goes away, and just changes, or what?: love is a straight line. it has a start. it has an end. deal with it.*BREAK UPS* have you ever had your heart broken?: not broken but majorly bruised, scraped, and cut* have you ever been dumped?: rejected yes* have you ever dumped someone?: i guess "yeah i think we should stay friends.."* have you ever mutually broke up with someone?: 5 second dan..haha* has a romantic companion ever made you cry?: euw, tears=evil* did you cry in thier presence?: nah* did you cry with them?: noo..* have you ever made a romantic companion cry?: nahh* have you ever had an emotional pain so bad it made you sick or physically hurt?: nah* have you ever been unfaithful? if so, how did it make you feel?: iv hooked up w more than one guy in a night, it didnt make me feel bad until one of the guys just started to be so nice* if so, did they find out?: heh yeah.. emails are nice.* have you ever been cheated on? if so, how did it make you feel?: nah but if someone was actually STUPID enough to do that to me, then they never see their penis again* have you ever had to end a relationship due to life changes not related to romance (ie: moving, strict parents, etc)?: heh sorta* have you ever learned an important lesson as a result of a break up?: yeah dont waste your time on loser lying douchebags. o0oh.... snap!*THE AFTERMATH* have you ever gotten back together with someone after breaking up?: euw fuck no* did it work?: -----* do you believe there's hope for people after they get back together, or do you think the same problems that caused the initial break-up will resurface?: if you change, then you changed for ONE person in the world, think of the ripple effect it has on other ppl you associate with* have you ever broke up and remained friends afterward?: i guess so* have you ever broke up and became bitter enemies?: haha yes and yes 0:)* if so, did you ever make amends?: heh no* have you ever broke up and lost touch?: yea bc i MAKE sure i lose touch w them* have you ever got back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?: i tried talkin to mike but i doubt his brother gave him my picture* were you afraid to do so?: yes gary hates me* do you ever check up on old flames (weather by asking mutual friends, for example), without actually contacting them?: i guess ugh i need to stop my bad habits* have you ever longed to get back together with someone?: nah once someoen is gone, they lost their chance forever* although it surely depends of specific relationships, how long does it take before your out looking for companionship again?: usually takes me about a week, but if i liked someone a lot i dont kno it jus depends :* (

hmm.. tomm's agenda?

well this whole week right now is booked. even next week too. madd plans: its all work, party, shopping, dye hair, work, shows...yea im tired. gotta finish up my big ass pinata tomrw. night night.

hi my name is Lillian, and it was caliente!

i dont kno, maybe you hadto be there for it. bc it was fucking hilarious. last night was fuUuUuN.well here was my day, i had plans to go to oxford valley looking for a job. when im over chrissy's my mom calls me asking f i can get gwens camera and drive all the way down to olney to give it to her. ok the only reason i didnt wanto was bc of all the bullshit she made me go thru the last few days. so when i started to say no she started yellin at me to make me go n im like "why should i do it?! you never trust me anyway about where im going, im surprised you believe me right now im at chrissy's!!" ugh but i knew i would never hear the end of it if i didnt go, so i gave her her fucking camera, there was no film in it so i bought fkn film for her too, twelve fucking dollars.ugh anyway enough of that, on to the fun stuff. i applied to like 7 or 8 places in oxford valley. but the funny thing was when me n chrissy walked into the mall. there was a massage-ing display n this cute dude wanted to massage my back with these to blue plastic thingies with balls on the end. wen we were leaving we wanted to talk to him again but he wasnt there :( every mall has their freaks. its so funny.anyway wen we got back to philly me n chrissy got kristen MC n went to the walmart and the mall. gwenny was working yesterday at walmart :D n so were her boyfriends...... hehe. then we were gonna see a movie but wen we got outside we decided it was too nice out to waste the good cool air. so we went into the dollar store and got cool games to play outside. frisbee, a baseball, and stacking chairs! I AM THE STACKING CHAIR QUEEN! we need a second set for the challenge! anyway we met up w steve then played all our good games at the playground. then talked with these nice people at the playground when we had our millions of cookies, chips, and milk. GHETTO PICNIC! oh by the way, i only date spanish guys. i was de-virginized by a two spanish guys. at the same time. it was caliente! *rolls on floor holding stomach* hahahahahaha! oh and my boyfriend, ricardo, is in mexico visiting relatives right now. aaaaaaaahhh hahahahaha!!stacking chair champion right here!

heyYyYy.. so whats the agenda for tonight?

iv got nothing so far. :D i havent seen pluta in a while, but i have a feeling if i call her up, she'll not wanto hang out w me n want to hang out with james. i *would* go shopping but i should save my money since i wont be working for a while. Project Decoy Job: i have to find a "decoy" job that i can quit after two weeks than work with george again. so now i hafto apply to a place that will hire me real fast. and i need a job thats kinda far so my parents wont wanto stalk me after the first two weeks. so im thinking, Oxford Valley Mall. i gotta get crackin on that one. oh geez.. another God awful interview i hafta go thru.... for a stupid job i dont even want. You are a Siamese! You are fun-loving, playful,energetic, talkative, and exotic. You are thecenter of attention and you love every minuteof it. What breed of cat are you? brought to you by QuizillaYou get vengeful satisfaction, but you usually letsomeone else do the dirty work for you. Hey,it's cool. That's what the mob is for, right?? What's your type of vengeance? brought to you by QuizillaYou are Neo, from "The Matrix." Youdisplay a perfect fusion of heroism andcompassion. What Matrix Persona Are You? brought to you by QuizillaWhoooo weee!!! Youre a loud, boisterous burlyogre!. You are one of the guardians to thegates of Buddhist hell dimensions. You like tosmash and bash and eat and make loud noises(which don't necessarily come from your mouth).You love the taste of flesh and battle. Butdeep down, you're soft hearted and wonder whypeople just don't understand that it's yournature. Perhaps abstaining from fights with thelocal wild beasts will let the humans see thatyou can be a good ogre that smells likeflowers... NOT! What Japanese Creature are you? brought to you by Quizilla What Keeps You Going? brought to you by QuizillaYou are the phone! Which type of communication are you? brought to you by QuizillaYour soul came from the Bowels of HELL! You're ademon preying on the mortals of Earth. BACK TOHELL WITH YOU! Where Did Your Soul Originate? brought to you by QuizillaSurprise! You are a unique bride! What Kind of Bride Will You Be? brought to you by Quizilla

"okay im definitely wearing a sock on my head".....

that was me, kristen, and chrissy the other day at the plymouth meeting mall. omg it was so funny, me n chrissy were ninjas and kristen was a scuba-er. hahahaha! oh man you hadto be there. maybe this will give you an idea: well anyway, yesterday was work :) then i went to the mall and got some shoes... today im not working bc my parnents are... well lets not say those words. but ill probly work tomorrow. ya kno i was thinking about the last few days. and my conclusion was.. wow i got problems. im just so glad i have one helpful sister and lots of friends who care and listen. uhh well, some more than others. some just call to talk to other people they are currently with, not even pay attention to what youre saying, and dont even attempt to comprehend the severity of your problems. yeah THOSE people i will just hang up on :D yeah staying out all night to watch the sunrise till 6 am with steve made me realize: although i am so mean, i can be nice too. its just people dont give me a reason to be nice to them.yesterday i was at Chi Chi's with Chau, George, Paul, and Gavin for dinner. when i was in the bathroom, the hostess was in there washing her hands. while i was washing mine she asked me if i went to ryan.i said: yeahher: yeah i noticed you, youre gonna be a senior right?me: yeah. i dont remember seeing you but then again i dont kno facesher: oh i remember everyone's faceme: yeah i have a friend like that.. was it the hair that made you notice me?her: well it was your hair at first that i noticed, then i remembered you wore bright green pants to schoolme: hah. yeah that was meahhh how hot is that.

so hey it's sunday.......

im still sick :-( last night i couldn't even do anything i was so congested. well me n kristen tried to cheer me up with some shopping but uhh didnt work too well. i made a new friend tho! he's my purple haired friend, adam!omg how hot is this, its adam at the prom:[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<img [...] </center>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]im still sick :-( last night i couldn't even do anything i was so congested. well me n kristen tried to cheer me up with some shopping but uhh didnt work too well. i made a new friend tho! he's my purple haired friend, adam!omg how hot is this, its adam at the prom:<center><img src="http://www.angelfire.com/rebellion2/vy/adams_prom.jpg" width="320" height="240" border="0"</center>you kno me, n you kno thats hot. haha. its hot hot heat.but anyway, today should be fun, goin to a party. and it seems my dad's throwing one here.. some dude downstairs is sitting at my piano and i have no idea who it is.

yeah so how was everyone's night?

i was at home sick. im glad i stayed home, i went to bed at 9 pm last night. and slept for about 11 hours. thats why im up at 8 am today. a miracle, never thought i could see morning till another 3 months. ya kno i was thinking.. the last few days iv spent alot of time w my sister and her soulmate, George (hehe). and i kno chau already said that her friends would do anything for her if she asked. i dont kno, when i was over there like she would ask paul and georgeto do something like open the windows in the dining room and normally when i sat there listenig i thought they'd be all like "ughh.." but they werent. even when they were tired and sittng down theyd go do it. i dont kno, i guess what im trying to say is.. i have very low faith in the human race. i underestimate alot of them thinking they are all lowlife scum bags and are complete little asshole douchebags. im not trying to say i think this already about every human out there, but i *do* have a very low faith level for alot of people. only bc i havent been shown much to WANT to respect people. ok i dont want everyone reading this to think i hate them, bc thats not it. its just.. i havent really been shown much that would make me WANNA be nice to people. hey how bout that.i was thinking about something else too. over the last couple days, i have been lying ALOT to my parents. (making allebyes to go work w george) is it really wrong to lie like that? bc i do it so casually now. i kno its wrong, but what is also wrong is trying to separate sisters. and i know i lie alot to them about where im going, i lie so i can do things they tell me specifically not to do.. like lying saying im over a girl's house till 4 am when im really over a guy's house. but hey im not a little slut, its not like i stay over a different guy's house every weekend ya kno? i dont kno, is what i do really that wrong?.. i was just wondering about that last night before i fell asleep.oh man i cant wait till all this rain goes away. my pool's almost done being cleaned. hey a congradulations to my best friend, danny! he got his driver's licence yesterday! well, tomm's melissa's party. i wont swim but ill sit there on the chair. wow as one can tell i am very bored that i am just ranting on about pointless things in here. hey does everyone like the way i made my journal look? i spent countless minutes perfectng it to be this sexy! Which kind of ocean-side beach girl are you? brought to you by QuizillaYou Have the Power of Teleportation! What's Your Magic Power? brought to you by QuizillaYou have average whoreyness... You are probably atthe same level of physical relationshipmaturity as most people your age or you arecareful about who you are intimate with. Begood. What kind of whore are you? brought to you by QuizillaSexy What word describes you? brought to you by QuizillaYou are the grenade launcher, extremely deadly andknowing you, YES YOU, you would kill yourselftrying to fire it What weapon are you? brought to you by Quizilla

wee wee!

BASICS THAT BORE YOUFirst off, what's your name? VyWhy did your parents name you that, and do you wish they hadn't? dude my name is AWESOME! only two freakin letters longHow old are you? 17 babyHow old are you emotionally? (As in, do you think you handle your emotions pretty well and have sorted through most of them) How about mentally? emotionally? pretty bad, even tho i got lotsa experience in that shit (fucked up ppl i know)SEX, ETC. Let's get this one over with- have you ever even had sex before? nah i havent done the nasty, sorryIf you're a virgin, do you plan on having sex before you get married? i dont want toAre you straight, bisexual, gay, or lesbian? straight, but i joke around a lot about being gay or bisexual, my friends must seriously wonder, i kno tom does!Do you feel comfortable talking about sexual things or uncomfortable? comfortable i guess, i like to ask curious question to my friendsDo you feel comfortable talking about sexual things regarding your own experiences, what turns you on, etc.? uncomfortable, bc i like keeping things iv done w other ppl to myself, its private business ya kno. i may talk about it but i dont go off into madd detail. i have curious questions like kristina haha. i tell everyone what turns me on tho haha, i cant help the sexiness of a nipple toppled with ice cream!On a scale of 1-10, one being the least, and ten being the most, how perverted do you feel you are? it depends. i can be like 8 sometimes but i have self control thats the thing If you're a teenager, are your hormones making you undoubtedly horny? you jus answered your own question, teenager=horny haha. sometimes i feel outta control but i stop myself, im a good girl ;)Have you ever had a sexual dream before, or "wet dream?" Feel free to describe. i never had a dream where i had sex before nah, but i had a dream where i was about toWhat do you think of pornography? Have you ever seen it? hahaha GAY PORN! i like watchin two gay guys kiss but nothing without pants. thats gross, if i even DID watch a porno movie (n no i wouldnt be in it) id do it to make myself laugh, not to turn myself on, if i wanted to be turned on id go out n get my jollies w someone elseDo you have any fetishes or things that automatically start to turn you on? If so, what are they? haha kissing, licking, or biting my neck drives me crazy. when *i* get to do stuff to someone else's nipple, thats hott. n when someone grips my waste on the sides (dont ask, bc i dont kno either), or when someone rubs my butt or behind my leg ahh or gripping me real hard :P (too much info i know)Are you flexible, or do flexible people turn you on? (If you don't understand how this question is sexual you probably never will.) that wouldnt really matter to meHow do sex scenes in movies make you feel? Disgusted? Hot? entertained bc i laugh so hard. unless its jus too grusome n graghic then i jus turn my head. what annoys me is that you see everything on a gurl but NEVER a guy's schlong! grrDid you lie on, or avoid answering any of the above questions? nah, theres jus some of my thoughts i didnt fully shareLOVEDo you believe in love as a concept? Why or why not? love is a feeling. but i really truely believe love is just something people don't consider in their minds, some people just do some things that are so evil that i just can't understand how they have a beating heart in their chest (FUCK LOVE)Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? oh HAILL no!Do you love them? Why or why not? --How long have you been together? --If you answered no to the first question in this section, do you have a crush? hehe ;)Do you love them? noo0o0o, what did i say about love, cmonOn a scale of 1-10, one being the least and ten being the most, how important is your boyfriend, girlfriend, or crush to you? uhmm..... not that important, bc friends n sisters are what really counts. i have a habbit of giving too much space to a guy (thats what i THOUGHT they liked..)On a scale of 1-10, how important is the way your boyfriend's/girlfriend's/crush's family feel about you to you? just not pure hatredIf your family hated your crush, boyfriend, or girlfriend, would you still go out with them? Why? yeahhhhhh. pshhh thats the reason i HAFTO stay with them! spite is in my bloodDOES your family hate your crush, boyfriend, or girlfriend? they dont know emAre you physically attracted to your crush, boyfriend, or girlfriend? Why or why not? of course, if i thought someone was ugly why would i hook up w themDo you think The Beatles were high when they wrote the song, "All You Need is Love?" probly, bc most of the time, it doesnt seem love can be expressed from some pplHow do you know when you love someone? i love ppl in a platonic way but not the "love-love-boyfriend" wayIs love worth it? probly not, sorry im so cynical. ok fine, yes it is. bc you learn good lessons. like "oh dont waste your time again next time on a loser like that"FRIENDS Who is/are your best friend/s of the opposite sex? danny kyle tom nickWho is/are your best friend/s of the same sex? chris kris kris krisName one or two people you know you would die for. my sisi chauOn a scale of 1-10, how important are your friends to you? to infinity and beyond!Have you ever fallen in love with a friend? nahhhhhhh i make sure i dont like my friends, bc that complicates thingsHow well do your friends know you? Do you think they would still be your friends if they knew EVERYTHING, no exceptions, about you? i dont kno, probly notTen years from now, which friends do you hope to still be in touch with? Why? every one of them. like dannys mom said "only asian friends you can keep!" hahaYOUR PSYCHE Do you have any diagnosed mental disorders? If so, what? probly Do you have any undiagnosed mental disorders? If so, what? probly bipolarIf you do in fact have a diagnosed or even undiagnosed mental disorder, describe what it feels like and/or your personal experiences with it. mood swings?Have you ever been to a therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist before? not really, but i have a feeling i will when i can pay for it myselfDo you think your dreams are a window into your soul? no, jus symbols of what youv been thinking about latelyHow would you describe yourself mentally and psychologically? fucked upDo you feel insecure with your own person? Have a self-esteem problem? If so, why do you think you do? i guess so, i mean i dont completely think im so pathetic that i will jump at the first cock that says "i love you" to me. im not the best out there but im not at the bottom of the barrel ya kno? but i guess the reason i feel i am that way bc of my parents, theyre so discouraging its traumatizingMUSIC Is music important to you? Why or why not? of course, most of someones actions reflect the music they listen toDo you sing? If so, do you sing well? yeah and ehhWhat instruments do you play, if any? nopeDo you or have you ever written music before? songs but not musicIn your opinion, what band is the best of all time? (Name a few if you can't decide.) manson! hahaNow for the lightning round. Do you like...Pop music: yeah, good danceRock music: yea!Punk music: yea!Rap music: a littleHip-Hop/R&B: yea, more grinding music heheCountry: a littleJazz: sleepy time :)Classical: yes!New Age: wtf is thatWhat is one band/singer you absolutely love that no one else does or seems to have heard about? new radicals hehePick up the nearest CD to you and write a random song lyric from it. "just a day, just an ordinary day"MOVIES, TV, ETC. What is your favorite tv show? freinds, scrubs, sailor moonWhat is your favorite movie? waynes worldIf someone made a movie about your life, do you think anyone would want to see it? the ppl who get entertained from seeing a fucked up family destroy itself, yeahWhat is your favorite TV character? sailor moonWhat is your favorite movie character? pocahontasFavorite actor? jackie chanFavorite actress? shanon elizabeth, shes soooooo hot hahahaha. most ppl wont understand that jokeISSUES What is your stance on abortion? if its needed, but not for a selfish reasonWhat is your opinion on gay people being allowed to get married? its 2 ppl that love each other, leave them beWhat is your opinion on gay couple adopting? fine with meDo you have a political party affiliation? If so, what and why? noo fuck politicsWhat do you think about sex before marriage? it doesnt appeal to me, if other ppl are gonna do it, then i hope love was involved, bc if it wasnt, then youre a fuckin whore or dumbass, n if it fucks up things, then its your own fault, n you should deal w your own consequences *cough*cough* to a dumb slut i knoTell us one thing you're pretty sure no one knows about. ok lets go. i sing in the shower hehe

o0o look its a new journal!

and i owe it all to kristin doll! the prettiest model i ever layed eyes on! :D

so the past couple days have been crazy and emotionally breaking for me..

well.. im just going to be so openly honest in this thing. only bc right now im not emotionally stable..........so friday, Drew said something so odd to me. well, it was like cute, but ehh, he told me, "we fit together." i didnt really know what to say. i never have any good comebacks when it comes to crap like that. after that i couldnt help but to think "omg thats so cute" ya kno. but of course, bc mother nature and KARMA hate me so much.. Drew didnt fuck it up this time, i did..So on to saturday.. i was in Philly the whole day. well i came home around 8, met up w Nate, and went to Walmart to get snacks for my party. then after people arrived, it got retarded. apparently, me selling out, and letting people in my house to get intoxicated just isnt enough to have fun. so people wanted to go out to the frats of West Chester. yeah im never gonna have another one of THOSE again! anyway skip to about 4 hours later, and here comes bad news: yeah, ok, i shouldnt have done it. and i guess i cant really say any excuses. just reasons. Jim and randy came back w Doll n McC from the frats and Jim was just smaaaaaaaaaaaaaashed! well, in light of the holiday that it was, his drunk ass got w Doll, then me. ok, and normally i wouldnt have done it. i mainly did it bc "hey, its halloween! its a party! its MY party! what the hey!" ya kno? but i guess i didnt really REALIZE (bc im the biggest idiot in the world) that drew saw and he got pissed. well DUHR! and i didnt really think it was a big deal bc (and i told him this) "whats the big deal anyway? were not going out, youre not my boyfriend! who cares? youre still in love w your ex gf! hows that supposed ot make me feel?!" somehow that got brought up last night (i slept over Drew's again) and he said, in a way he wants to be my boyfriend (??). but he'd feel so guilty bc of everything w his ex. hes still not over her, so it would be unfair to me to be his next chick ya kno. which is EXACTLY my thoughts. not like i really need a boyfriend right now anyway. i kinda want one, but i dont NEED one. right now, all i need is a friend.. (DANNY!). i really should NOT be complicating my life right now with "boi drama" especially bc im gonna be an emotional train wreck for the next few days. oh man, you have no idea how fucking bad i felt sunday. well sunday all i did was cry about every 15 minutes bc i knew that's the last day i'd see my sister for a while. but not only that, i felt so fucking bad about what i did. well its not that i felt bad that i kissed jim, bc i kinda dont. i feel more bad for the fact i was an ignorant bitch to do it in front of him. THAT was just hooooooooooorrible. seriously, i felt so bad. and it takes a LOT for me to feel bad for something i did to a guy. bc lets face it, i dont know how to respect romantic partners, or friends for that matter. look at the model of a matrimonial bond i looked at for the past 18 years-my parents! thats a joke! soo yeah, i dont know how to respect people, or be considerate of feelings, or just be nice to people! so i dont kno how to respect guys.. as human beings. i look at them the way they look at women. as disposable and forever-replaceable sex objects, or "just another score (from s Homegrown song)" yes i know that was REALLY mean, but oh well. like i just witnessed, it keeps me from getting hurt. bc everytime i DONT do that, i get hurt. but keeping myself from being hurt, i hurt others at the same time.Chau text messaged me yesterday "call me when youre done class" so i called her when i got out of Psych and i asked her if she called dad sunday night. i felt so bad. bc he was actually sad on the phone. she said he was all 'why so far away?" and he actually asked if he could see her one last time before they left. especially bc my dad hasnt even seen the twins yet. in a way i feel really bad. on monday when he came over my house, he was sittin there eating when me n Drew came home from Hibachi. i just sat there and looked at him wondering, "did Chau call him? is he thinking about it right now?" and its sad, and a shame i cant even talk about it with him. i for some reason feel like i cant even talk about it w Gwen. i dont kno, me n gwen.. our compatability and communication levels w each other have been down the crapper recently. ever since august. even tho the Three Sisters, sunday night, had a good little talk about communicating better. (im sittin here in the lounge at Sykes and someone just said "New Mexico" geez..) anyways i was walking to Drew's car when i was talking to chau yesterday on the phone, and i almost started crying again. last night i called her around 9 to ask where or what state she was in. bc they left for the road around 4 oclock. she was past harrisburg but still in PA last night when she called me back at 10:30. they were at the Ramada Inn. ohh la la. with an indoor heated pool!everyone's kinda pissed at what happened at my house on Halloween, w Kristina and everything, i dont kno why but im not that mad. i guess i should be a little offended but i guess i stopped really paying attention to it bc the very next day was the last day i saw my sister. and maybe i just realized its not a big deal bc, "HEY! my oldest sister is moving 2200 miles away! lets not bitch about the little things!"i gotta get to Bio.. later!